Hallmark Holiday

Even my sisters noticed today-- Today, I was a complete bitch. Yes, I should've been happy; we were celebrating a happy occasion. I was either PMSing, or I was really bitter about the next so called holiday. Of course, I immediately started to feel bad about it. It wasn't right to take it out on them. I hope they're reading this and know how truly sorry I am for acting the way I did. It's just those darn bittersweet-14th-blues.

I hate the fact I woke up this morning seeing no missed calls from you. The truth is I waited all night to hear from you. I hate the fact I didn't even see a text today. It's sad that I had to contact you first. You wonder why I'm so goddamn insecure.

Over time, I just lost sense of reality and sense of self; it all made me lose sense of self-security. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on top of the world and suddenly find myself hitting rock bottom on some melancholic nights. I'll be happy with the way I am, but that feeling is instantly ruined with the glance at the cover of a Glamour magazine.

Once that happens, it's hard to love myself. Tomorrow is the worst day for someone who is feeling the way I do right now. Everyone else will be making the most of this Hallmark Holiday. Meanwhile, I'll be sitting behind the library counter for 7 hours. I don't want to spend tomorrow alone. I wish I could spend that night watching a movie with even just a friend, but all reality says that is less likely to happen. After work, I'll probably be waiting in the frigid cold for my stupid Septa bus to come, slipping on some unshoveled sidewalk, and sitting in my room morbidly studying Biology that I don't need to study. Minutes away from hell... I'm expecting nothing tomorrow.

p.s. My dad told me [and sisters] that he doesn't think success is possible for us. Thanks, dad. I feel so much better.