Thankful.

I am grateful for everything that has brought me to where I am. I am grateful for everyone and everything I have in my life. I am grateful for every breath I am able to take; I am grateful for every sunrise and sunset. I am grateful for my turtles, my food, my room, and my comfy leopard print sweater and not so comfy but chic heels. I am thankful for the make-up on my face to the belt around my waist. I am most thankful for my sisters and my significant mister. I am thankful for my brown fam to my other fambams. I grateful for my roomies and the company they give me. I am thankful for roses and notebooks, for pens and sharpies. I love seasons; they are wonderful. I am grateful for everything that has brought me to where I am, Because it is exactly where I need to be.

love life & every moment--every. single. day.

*cough*

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry...

I'm a little nauseated right now.



And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home.

I want you to...

Sometimes he drives me completely insane, but then he goes and does something to make me smile (: I, then, remember why I was with him to begin with.



I foreshadow a potential cover... <3

Holding out for a hero.

Self-sufficient and independent is what I'm trying to be. I know I come off as super feminist and anti-male in my efforts. I tell him all the time that I need to stay here because it's the best for my plans. I try and I try, but...

I think he realizes how much everything is hard for me right now, and I just kind of bleed a little on the inside knowing that despite his efforts or how badly he wants things to change, they won't. Everything seems to backfire.

The truth is I'm starting to cave in a little. I do in fact need him to come for me. I need a knight in shining armor to come and save me from this distress and rut I'm in. I feel terrible. I've been trying to deny it, but it's all I really need right now. It's driving me insane how much I feel I need him around me sometimes, and I get so angered with myself to need him that much. I get so angered that he can't be here. I miss him, and it hurts a little.

ten to twenty percent

"Today is New Moon day, Scorpio, and time for predictions good for a Lunar Month (until the next New Moon). This particular New Moon, because it is in your sign, is extremely favorable for making personal changes. Anything from cosmetic surgery to making vows of a personal or spiritual nature are covered by this opportunity. The main thing is to see things you want to change about yourself from a different perspective, by taking a higher vantage point, but you are probably making these changes because of the broader implications of what you are doing, as some people do when they adapt a special type of diet or take up yoga or intentional living."
-Scorpio Horoscope as seen on facebook.

Today, I was told by my academic counselor that he feels like I only channel out 10 - 20% of what's really in my thoughts--I couldn't agree more. I'd like to think, at times, that I am an easy book to read, that I easily reveal by my poker face, but God only knows how people can try to figure me out. Is my personality or what ever is in my head really that hard to comprehend?

"How are you minus the academics and acting?" He asked. It was either I couldn't answer it, or I was really hesistant to answer the question.

I'm alright; I'm okay... I think. Sometimes, I just sit there and think, think, think, and think. The clock ticks and I keep trying to change my pattern of thought, but I always end up where I start. I think of something and try to grasp on to the thought, but in almost an instant, it just kind of floats away. I can't help but envision my life as one those feminist books about women letting go because of a lingering depression.

I really don't have any reason to complain right now. Life seems good; it should be good. I have a boyfriend who really loves me, friends (enough said), family who couldn't be anymore supportive of my spontaneous decisions, and an "okay" academic life. Why do I feel so dissatisfied?

I walked out of my chemistry lecture today and wondered if I really want to do nursing. Would I truly be happy? I saw the word DArt, and wondered if a future of being satisfied with myself seemed more promising in that field. I'm given so many opportunities, but do I really need them all, or am I not taking advantage of them the right way? This is not a cry for help. I'm just still trying to find out my direction. I hope I'm going the right way...

Tumblarity?

haha, I tried.

I don't even know what genre I fall into sometimes. I like the urban shit, but I can be very lookbook-ish at times. Sometimes, I just love to chill a be lazy with the sweats on (: My fashion sense varies.

On another note, I pretty much get intimidated by the pretty, skinny people. They look like they could rock anything. I guess having a little curve is nice, but I really don't see what people see in me when they say I'm cute. I'm not gonna lie. I have my conceited moments. Other moments I feel like I look like a caveman. Sucks, huh?

Goodnight, blog. I'm beat, son.

p.s. follow me? TUMBLR.

Love, love has no distance baby...

“And i know it sounds so stupid to be waiting this long
But i’m still in love, and i know i’m not wrong.”

I think I’ve been listening to this AJ Rafael song practically all morning. It makes me feel more & more optimistic about being in a long distance relationship. I can’t help but wonder if I’m setting myself up and filling my head and heart with false illusions. Then, I realize I’m feeling happy. So, it’s got to be something good… right? I mean, just thinking about the next time I get to see him and share a special moment gets me so elated. My heart just kind of jumps on the inside and butterflies just flutter everywhere in my stomach—I fall in love all over again.

p.s. New Found Glory & Dashboard Confessional in Philly December 12th?! I MUST GO.

Home

It's been a while since I've posted on this thing. I guess I'm just not good as I used to be with blogs. I find better comfort in my written journals. It's more personal for me. As for all you stalkers (barely any), I guess this this how most of you can keep in touch with my "feelings & thoughts."

What home can really mean to me? In a literal sense, it appears I have multiple homes. I'm welcome in all sorts of places. Can I really still call this apartment home? To be honest, it grew on me--then, in a heartbeat, it kind of stopped.


Yes, I have a dog, but my roomates feel it's best to get rid of him as sweet as he is sometimes. Majority rules, right? It sucks. I wish it could be like that Disney movie where a little Hawaiian girl trains her "pet" to be good. There's some good in my dog underneath all his monstrosity, but I digress.

Home is where the heart is, but what happens when you feel like you can find your heart in multiple places? Maybe I should invest in putting tracking devices on all my pieces, capture them all, and harvest them in one spot. I wish.

I keep missing how things used to be. I try to think things don't suck right now, but I feel like I'm falling yet again. I take each day little by little and try to listen to the maternal voice in my head--"Don't do this, don't do that." I'm still trying to figure out if I belong here. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. It all seems a little too hard. It seems like it has been forever since I could think to myself, "I am exactly where I need to be."