Tonight..

I want nothing more than to spend the New Year's Eve with you.

2009

Dear 2009,

You were a pretty tough year to live with. You shot a couple bullets I had to dodge. While you missed a couple shots, you did manage to hit me a couple times. I got hit really hard, but sooner or later with the help of time, I'd be back on my feet. However, you did give me some good things that I can pass to 2010 and maybe more years. I'm just grateful for another year to live.

Kindly,
Maegan

So, I guess it was just another year lived. I just look at my years, and think that's it only sucks because the reality of adulthood is just hitting me. Although I did like some things about my childhood, I will never be fond of many things from then. I actually like being an adult better. Yeah, some things do suck, but all great things require responsibility. But...

I can't wait for 2010! (bring it!)

So, here's my top 10 highlights of the year (in no specific order... not really):

1. Sunsets in the summer <3
2. Discovering who my real friends are.
   
   I found out the people who are truly there for you are the people who stay after the party's over (literally and figuratively, of course). My true friend's don't let my past define me and recognize me as a different person from before. My true friends understand me and love me. You know who you are (: Just because I don't talk to some of you as we used to doesn't mean I don't think about you.
   
   
3. Sisters, I love you, together & apart. <3
4. Blink-182
   
   Cheers to losing my concert virginity to one of the most epic bands ever! My first & second concerts were amazing. Happy reunion, you guys. I'm still waiting for Up All Night though!
   
   
5. Meeting Blink-182
   
   I can't even put into words how much meeting these three musical gods meant to me. To actually meet these geniuses was a once in a lifetime experience. Meeting the people who never cease to inspire... gosh. (Don't worry, baby! You'll meet them when you're famous, and they'll actually know your name!)
   
   MARK, TOM, AND TRAVIS <3>
6. (500) Days of Summer
   
   I just love it.
   
   
7. Finally graduating from high school
   
   I'm just not too fond of those years.
   
   
8. Senior Prom '09
   
   Even if I'm not too fond of my senior year, I really had a great time.
   
   
9. My guitar, pen, & journal
   
   thanks for keeping me sane.
   
   
10. The never-ending journey to self-discovery.
    

p.s. Grateful for the friends I've made and the family I've had.

you'll never know

I have a tendency of writing letters and never sending them. If you're reading this blog, you most likely have one written for you. (I bet if you don't think you do, you really do). I dare you to ask. All they do is collect dust.

happy holidays, you bastard.

LAME. LAME. LAME.

who waits to open Christmas gifts on new years?

Merry Christmas

I could care less...

I don't mean to be such a Scrooge, but this Christmas just wasn't the same. A little lame to say the least. I didn't really feel that closeness you're supposed to feel on Christmas. And the one thing person I really wanted... well, you get it. This season has got less than 24 hours to redeem itself. Hopefully, it does.

Nonetheless, it's all about baby Jesus. So, happy birthday, Baby Jesus (:

24 hours could be fatal

I've been calling you for what seems like forever. I know, it sounds stalkerish, but I haven't spoken to you for more than 24 hours. I really miss you, and tonight's Christmas Eve. I can't even bare to look at your profile pictures anymore. I saw you changed it. Then, I looked through all of them; there were relatively no pictures of us (except the animated one). I don't know what exactly are your intentions, and I don't want to be the one upset in the end. I just know that sometimes I don't know where exactly I place with you.

I doubt that you read my blog. I doubt the fact that you'll ever know this information. By the time you know this, it may be too late.

I keep trying to distance myself only to keep finding myself coming back home to you.

boys with girlfriends

"I know better..."

So, I'm scrolling on facebook and see the weirdest bit of information: A couple who had been going out for more than a year broke up. It just kind of sucks. I didn't personally know this couple, but I knew the guy (I had a lot of guy friends growing up so hanging out with guys seems normal to me). Anyway, what was a little weird was that not so long ago his girlfriend requested me on facebook. I was thinking "Chick, I don't even know who you are. Once I start hanging out with your boyfriend you suddenly start to request me?" It made me think of the jealous girlfriend type. She was on her man and trying to stay on top of her game, I guess. The funny thing is that she's not the only one to request me. nope... It's happened on two other occasions. The girls barely knew me but knew that I talked to their boyfriends and had a couple moments with them. The sad part is these couples are no longer together.

My point is the fact the fact that these girls requested me despite the fact they barely knew me made me think that they were being a bit jealous--a little too jealous maybe. Yes, girls, you may categorize it as trying to bond and getting to know their boyfriend's friends, but I see it as having the inability to trust your man. That's where the problem starts. Maybe it's not a coincidence that these couples broke up. One thing I've picked up is that you must be able to trust and withstand distance, or your relationship is going nowhere. Ladies, you'll trust your man if the relationship is meant to be.

"Swing.."

Gotta love extended weekends that last until the weekday. I gotta say hanging out and jamming with the boys & ate really made my weekend more amazing than it already was. Special cred to "Kuya" and Ate for watching my back for creepers. lol :)

AMAZING WEEKEND

"Every day is an adventure to discovering the meaning of life. It is each little thing that you do everyday, whether it be spending time with your friends, running a cross-country race, or just simply staring at the crashing ocean waves, that holds the key to discovering the meaning of life. I would rather be out enjoying these simple things than pondering them. We may never really discover the meaning of life, but the knowledge we gain in our quest to discover it is truly more valuable."

-Jenni Norman

All I can say is that this weekend was one of the best that I've had in a while. Never underestimate the potential of a great time with friends. I'm so glad I was able to have a great time with amazing friends. I'm so glad it's break and I can finally let loose. This weekend was what I needed after weeks upon weeks of stressing. It's been a tough semester for me, but I got through it. I'm definitely looking forward to next semester but for now I'm going to breath in every moment of winter break that I can.

I can't express how much fun I had with people I hold close to my heart (haha, pretty dramatic but these people really do have spots in my heart). I learned that the people who stay behind for you (or come back) when the party's over are the people who are true (: I just loved the atmosphere of this weekend. Cheers to Wawa, Little Nicky's wings, movies, pong, pictures, jamming, burritos, spicy noodles, breakdowns, and making an indoor snowman. You were all worth walking in the snow.

"Baby, it's cold outside..."

"she's gonna break soon

with so many problems in her life it really comes as no surprise..."

"Cigarettes and Scene Kids"

It's one thing to smoke a cigarette. It's another thing to brag about it. Honestly, I don't think it's anything to be proud about. It just means you've a) given in to peer pressure and are easily influenced or b) you're really stressed that you turned to ruining you perfect lungs in order to relieve yourself. Honestly, kids, it's nothing to be proud about. It's not a fucking bragging right. So, think twice the next time you use you and a cigarette in a profile picture. If you know for a fact your friends know you better than that, they're going to see right through you.

kthxbye.

@#!%#$!@#$!^

I CAN'T FUCKING RELAX.
F*** finals. I hate this. I fucking hate this.

sleep is for the weak

MUST STUDY. MUST PASS. MUST GET THIS WEEK OVER WITH.


So, i've basically been driving myself insane. I feel like I'm going to break down any second. I honestly cannot wait until it's all over! Never have I ever been so stressed about something academic. The worst part is... it gets worse. Finals, bring it! You're going down.

Immune failure 2: Return of the Sick

Seriously?! Just when I thought my sinuses were starting to clear, I get sick again. I'm seriously fed up with all these finals. I truly understand why so many college kids I knew hated the song "I Love College." Almost everyone actually kind of hates it at some point and grows more bitter towards it--I am. It's only my the fall semester of my freshman year. At least, I'm no longer in high school. It's something I don't think I'll ever miss. It was a unique experience, but it's something I'd rather not repeat. One thing I will miss is singing. I haven't sung a good song in a while and I'm starting to miss it a little...

I honestly think it's these late nights for finals and final papers that are keeping me up at night and making my immune system fail. I already can't wait until I'm out of college and, hopefully, doing something I love.

On a completely unrelated note, here's something I'm looking forward to watching:

last two weeks of school

I can't wait until winter break. I can't wait until it's all over. I just can't wait.

test the waters

So, I'm going to listen to your advice, big sister. I'm going to test the waters rather than take the big leap. God only knows if you just saved me from plummeting to my death.

I'm so scared. Everyone's either talking me out of it or into it. Curse not knowing my passion.

Nursing > DArt?!

Nurse or Digital Artist

Nurse: listening to my family, taking my family's advice, future of stress pills and late nights, big $, helping people, high demanding field, crappy ass hours leading to good hours, guaranteed job, nice stuff, less time for family, providing for family, divorce?, full stomach

Digital Art and Media: listening to my "heart," taking into consideration a passion, late nights with media, uncertainty in job, "you'll be hungry," art art art...

I'm really confused. Screw this uncertainty.

Immune failure.

I'm having the worst luck with my immune system this semester. When I'm not sick, I'm having an allergic reaction to something. Now, I'm going out of my mind trying to figure out what exactly is causing me to break out. I'm currently under the influence of Zyrtec and Prednisone. I've accumulated two doctor's notes within the past two weeks. I already cannot wait until the winter break. I feel like my first semester honestly sucks.



my desk looks like a medicine cabinet.