anticipate...

to no longer see this blog.

I've grow accustomed to writing down my words rather than sharing them with the world wide web. I'm more fond of seeing who actually tries to contact me without facebook and realizing who my real friends are.

I feel bitter though. It only took one boy to make this girl a closed shell. Now, try to imagine how another man made it worse. My eyes are tired, and I feel so let down by the opposite gender.

Moving on, I'm strong and my will permits me to get over it.

Allergic

I'm allergic to all the couples I've been seeing lately. The weather's beautiful, but the weather doesn't stop me from feeling bitter about love whenever I see lovers walking around sharing the day with each other. It breaks me every. single. time.

I guess I'll always be second best to him. To think, I was stupid enough to be fine with that.

Moonlit Transformation

My days are great when I'm in school and getting things done. It's the lonely nights in my room that just sort of kill me.

Anyway...

Today was a good day. I switched my major, and I enjoyed the beautiful weather. I'm seeing brighter days.

Dear "Ex-Boyfriend,"

You don't understand what I'm going through nor have you really put effort into finding out what's going on with me. It's hard to believe, but I guess you're the only one who can change that. It's okay though--I'll be okay alone. I can see you're perfectly fine anyway. I wouldn't want to ruin that.

Fuck you--you never read this blog anyway.

Loss of interest

When did prince charming decide that he didn't want to make the princess happy anymore?

This is what it feels like. I don't want to believe in fairy tales anymore. It's all stupid make-believe that is less likely to happen... to me at least. I'm a princess, and I deserve to be treated like one. I keep telling myself that.

I'm jealous. There, I said it. I'm jealous of everyone who's in a perfectly happy relationship. I'm even jealous of the girl who has a boyfriend who cheats. Fucked up, right? It's probably because he bothers to give her the title and make her the main concubine. I know I'm only 19 and have so many miles to go, but I guess it's possible to discover love at a young age. Love is this drug that I just can't really refuse. I've had a taste, and it's only got me coming back for more. This heart just kinda breaks more each day.

I've shown all the signs, but why do you keep ignoring them? Why couldn't you make me happy, or at least, help me feel happy with myself? It's like you never cared about my issues.

I felt like he just lost interest in me.

Did I really get that boring, babe? If there's one thing I fear, it's being the must mundane person you've ever met. I don't want to be your catastrophe or biggest mistake. For now, I'm just gonna have to make it through without you. Thanks for giving me the imagery that a knight in shining armor is most likely just faking it in tin foil.

I just want all this pain to go away.

Argentina sunrise,

I miss you so.

Coming back from Buenos Aires makes me remember those days when I would come back from summer camp. In a matter of a week or so, my life seemed to be changed by the bonds and friendships I made. I thoroughly loved my experience and wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I'm glad I decided to partake in the LGU minor at school even with how unrelated it is to nursing (I don't really care how people rearrange it to sound like it does--it really doesn't). I don't mind the extra year I anticipate in school. For what it's worth, the trip definitely broadened my horizons and opened my eyes to new perspectives. The trip did have its inadvertently troubled moments, but life goes on... I still managed to have fun.

On an entirely different note, it's possible to enjoy a trip but wish someone to share the sunrise with you. Still struggling with this loneliness, but I can only hope for a better outcome. I've still got many miles to travel before this plane can call it a night.

Travel studies/study abroads are so worth it. One should definitely take advantage of the opportunity if ever offered. You'll thank yourself in the end.

p.s. If you ever get the chance to watch "Up In The Air," you should do so. I'm seriously having some tendencies to travel with an "empty backpack" (you'll understand when you watch the movie). It may be very vague, but some things in life remain vague until we've reached journey's end.

p.s.s. I deleted my formspring. I feel like I just lost 5 unnecessary pounds.